Loudly Misunderstood for being quiet
The lunchroom was full to capacity. I was scanning the tables as I sat with my sandwich. The girls with the bright and bubbly personalities always had things going on around them. I sat quietly. There was a lot going on inside of me too, but no one seemed to notice. The world always seemed to revolve around the the best and the brightest, and seemed to ignore the quieter and more reserved, even though the quieter, more reserved people had much to offer too. I wanted to stand up in the lunchroom and announce that I was there. Would anyone notice? I sat. I thought about what the qualities were inside of me. The bell rang. It was time to move onto math class. I didn’t realize at the time what a phlegmatic was, but later in life I would learn that there were different kinds of people that were moved by different kinds of interior motivations. Finally, my middle school lunchroom days would start to make sense.
I wasn’t the first to wonder about personality types. Hippocrates (470-360 B.C.) was a Greek physician who wondered about the sames things. He categorized the personalities into four groups: yellow bile, red bile, black bile and white bile. He used these colors to label the groups because he was associating what he grouped as the four personality types to the natural elements. In modern times the four groupings still apply but they are not referred to as choleric, sanguine, melancholic and phlegmatic. The choleric is proud, confident, and likes being in control. Sanguines are boisterous, bubbly, chatty, openly emotional, and very outgoing. A melancholic is sensitive, introverted, and a perfectionist. Finally, there is the phlegmatic. A phlegmatic is categorized as someone who is patient, sympathetic, kind, low key, and hides emotions well. When I began to learn about the different personality types, I began to understand people better and I began to understand myself better. I was better able to adapt to social situations that I found myself in.
The more I learned about personality types and how when different types of people worked together, they complemented each other, the more I realized that there was a value in being phlegmatic. Although the current culture tends toward more outgoing and accomplished people, the people who are on the phlegmatic end should find value in themselves. Because the world only sees people at face value, and phlegmatics don’t usually show much at face value, I always wished I could change myself. I wanted to be the girl in the lunchroom that had things going on around her all the time. My mother used to always say not to judge a book by its cover. I needed to cultivate a growth and acceptance mindset. Then I would be able to open my book, and people would finally be able to see beyond my cover.
The growth and fixed mindset are such strong frames of mind. Making the leap from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset is what makes the difference. The fixed mindset is the belief that you are born a certain way and you will never change. The growth mindset is when you believe that the mind is like a muscle and the more you strengthen it, the more accomplished you become. To prove this point, scientists did a study on rats to show the difference between the two mindsets. Scientists hypothesized that the neuron cells were the cells in the brain that strengthen the mindset, and the more those neurons are strengthened through experiences that stimulate them, the stronger the mind will be.
To begin the study, two rats were put in two different cages. The one rat was put in a empty cage where all it had to do was eat and sleep. The second rat was put in a cage where it was being stimulated by puzzles and other rats. The rat in the cage by itself didn’t change because it had nothing to adapt to. The rat in the stimulating cage had to constantly adapt to the situation it was in. The stimulated rat’s brain is the one that became stronger, smarter, more interconnected, and problem solving. Could it be that I could stimulate my mind and adapt? That was the result of the study indicated.
Reviewing the years of my early life was a bit painful. I was always letting my phlegmatic personality block me from connecting and changing the situation. Was it possible to be bullied by mean girls in preschool? Yes, it was definitely possible. It happened to me. The little girl with the curly blond hair and blue eyes who had all the other girls around her would not let me play with the play-doh too. I wanted to be with the girls so much. I didn’t stand up to her, though, I just went away, and played by myself.
As I got older in school it was the same thing but, I began to adapt more and at least I had friends to sit with. It was because of these friends that I started to break out of my shell more and be comfortable and more adaptable to the outside world. It was through their motivation and friendship that I realized that the reason that I was always letting other people block me was because I wasn’t seeing the positive parts of myself.
When I first got out of high school, I attended a culinary school. I had always loved to work with food, so I wanted to learn more about the restaurant industry. The hospitality industry is not necessarily geared to the phlegmatic temperament. I began to work with a catering company. Catering has helped me to grow enormously because I’m constantly being pushed out of my comfort zone to talk with guests, co-workers, and vendors. Since I interact with so many different people from all walks of life, I have learned to understand people much better.
The most important thing that has helped me continue to have a growth mindset is the influence of my mom and sisters. Whenever I’m down or so tired I’m not thinking clearly they are the ones that help me redirect my thoughts. Their support is invaluable. I hope as I continue to work, go to school, meet new people, and experience new things, that I will continue to grow and to bring the good points of my personality to the service of others. I have realized that sometimes people just need a shoulder to lean on or an ear to listen, and I know that my temperament puts me in the position to be the shoulder or the ear. Even sanguine people sometimes have to step out of the world to look at things more clearly. It is in the silence that the answers can be found. Phlegmatics can supply that balance.
If you just open the book and read beyond the cover sometimes you will be surprised by what you find. I found that in valuing the positive parts of my personality and working on improving the negatives of my life that my life has been better. I will continue to pursue the growth mindset and offer the compassionate side of my personality in service of others.
I wasn’t the first to wonder about personality types. Hippocrates (470-360 B.C.) was a Greek physician who wondered about the sames things. He categorized the personalities into four groups: yellow bile, red bile, black bile and white bile. He used these colors to label the groups because he was associating what he grouped as the four personality types to the natural elements. In modern times the four groupings still apply but they are not referred to as choleric, sanguine, melancholic and phlegmatic. The choleric is proud, confident, and likes being in control. Sanguines are boisterous, bubbly, chatty, openly emotional, and very outgoing. A melancholic is sensitive, introverted, and a perfectionist. Finally, there is the phlegmatic. A phlegmatic is categorized as someone who is patient, sympathetic, kind, low key, and hides emotions well. When I began to learn about the different personality types, I began to understand people better and I began to understand myself better. I was better able to adapt to social situations that I found myself in.
The more I learned about personality types and how when different types of people worked together, they complemented each other, the more I realized that there was a value in being phlegmatic. Although the current culture tends toward more outgoing and accomplished people, the people who are on the phlegmatic end should find value in themselves. Because the world only sees people at face value, and phlegmatics don’t usually show much at face value, I always wished I could change myself. I wanted to be the girl in the lunchroom that had things going on around her all the time. My mother used to always say not to judge a book by its cover. I needed to cultivate a growth and acceptance mindset. Then I would be able to open my book, and people would finally be able to see beyond my cover.
The growth and fixed mindset are such strong frames of mind. Making the leap from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset is what makes the difference. The fixed mindset is the belief that you are born a certain way and you will never change. The growth mindset is when you believe that the mind is like a muscle and the more you strengthen it, the more accomplished you become. To prove this point, scientists did a study on rats to show the difference between the two mindsets. Scientists hypothesized that the neuron cells were the cells in the brain that strengthen the mindset, and the more those neurons are strengthened through experiences that stimulate them, the stronger the mind will be.
To begin the study, two rats were put in two different cages. The one rat was put in a empty cage where all it had to do was eat and sleep. The second rat was put in a cage where it was being stimulated by puzzles and other rats. The rat in the cage by itself didn’t change because it had nothing to adapt to. The rat in the stimulating cage had to constantly adapt to the situation it was in. The stimulated rat’s brain is the one that became stronger, smarter, more interconnected, and problem solving. Could it be that I could stimulate my mind and adapt? That was the result of the study indicated.
Reviewing the years of my early life was a bit painful. I was always letting my phlegmatic personality block me from connecting and changing the situation. Was it possible to be bullied by mean girls in preschool? Yes, it was definitely possible. It happened to me. The little girl with the curly blond hair and blue eyes who had all the other girls around her would not let me play with the play-doh too. I wanted to be with the girls so much. I didn’t stand up to her, though, I just went away, and played by myself.
As I got older in school it was the same thing but, I began to adapt more and at least I had friends to sit with. It was because of these friends that I started to break out of my shell more and be comfortable and more adaptable to the outside world. It was through their motivation and friendship that I realized that the reason that I was always letting other people block me was because I wasn’t seeing the positive parts of myself.
When I first got out of high school, I attended a culinary school. I had always loved to work with food, so I wanted to learn more about the restaurant industry. The hospitality industry is not necessarily geared to the phlegmatic temperament. I began to work with a catering company. Catering has helped me to grow enormously because I’m constantly being pushed out of my comfort zone to talk with guests, co-workers, and vendors. Since I interact with so many different people from all walks of life, I have learned to understand people much better.
The most important thing that has helped me continue to have a growth mindset is the influence of my mom and sisters. Whenever I’m down or so tired I’m not thinking clearly they are the ones that help me redirect my thoughts. Their support is invaluable. I hope as I continue to work, go to school, meet new people, and experience new things, that I will continue to grow and to bring the good points of my personality to the service of others. I have realized that sometimes people just need a shoulder to lean on or an ear to listen, and I know that my temperament puts me in the position to be the shoulder or the ear. Even sanguine people sometimes have to step out of the world to look at things more clearly. It is in the silence that the answers can be found. Phlegmatics can supply that balance.
If you just open the book and read beyond the cover sometimes you will be surprised by what you find. I found that in valuing the positive parts of my personality and working on improving the negatives of my life that my life has been better. I will continue to pursue the growth mindset and offer the compassionate side of my personality in service of others.